(Recycling something I created a while back...)
Voiceover: "Welcome to this year’s 'Our Great Navy', the Japanese edition. And as ever it is presented by the Three Katos. Let’s welcome the first one, our host, the former Minister of Navy and Prime minister, Admiral Kato Tomosaburo-sama!!!"
Crowd: *Applause*
Voiceover: "As usual, accompanied by his loyal aides Kato-san and Kato-san!!!!"
Crowd: *Applause*
Admiral Kato: "Thank you everyone. It is a great honor to be back and host the 1938 event. The fact that I died in real history 15 years ago does not stop me from keeping on going here. As usual the are a variety of categories in which a ship can become a winner. Whenever displacements are mentioned, we are referring to the ship’s normal displacement."
Kato (Green Hornet): "There are various categories and each category has several contenders. The winner will be decided based on the statistics available to us."
Kato (Pink Panther): "Awards are given in the following categories: Greatest ship of the Navy category, Largest warship category, Fastest warship category, Greatest range at 15kts category, Most powerful ship category, Most economic ship at 15kts category, Largest Carrier category, Largest Cruiser category, Largest destroyer category, Most extras category, Most ridiculous extras category, Most unusual color scheme category, Most famous member of the Navy category and Most annoying member of the Navy category."
Admiral Kato: "Well, shall we start with the first category? Kato-san!"
Kato (GH): "Ah yes. The Most Unusual Color Scheme Award. As usual, there were a great many contenders for this category. The first contender is the Kameko-chan with it’s unusual use of paint, mixing red and white paint... and then there are the other 1795 vessels of the Imperial Navy who use the usual dull and always boring gray paint scheme... like every year."
Admiral Kato: "Very good Kato-san. Thank you."
Kameko-chan captain (to his officers): "Shit! We're going to win again! Like every year! Let’s get out of here quickly!" *quickly leaves the hall*
Admiral Kato: "... And the winner is..." *opens envelope* "What a surprise. It's not the Kameko-chan, but the Atatake's special paint scheme from five months ago after that big Jigoku no Tenshi party in Yokosuka!"
Crowd: *Applause*
Former Empress Kameko: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That can't be! I always win this category!!" T_T
Admiral Kato: "Captain! Come forward!"
Atatake captain: *accepts award* "Geez... well... I don't know what to say except for this. Manzo! If I ever get my hands on you or your biker buddies, you will all walk the plank! Thank you!"
Crowd: *Applause*
Admiral Kato: "Kato-san, the next category, please."
Kato (PP): "Ah yes. It's one of our favorites: The Most Extras Award. As usual, not many contenders for this category. The first contender is the Kameko-chan with all the extras for the former Empress. The second contender is the Go-ni class, special coastal troop-carrying vessel with many extras for the brave troops aboard. Finally we have The Flightdeck Casino with many extras for the customers and not so many for the brave trainee naval pilots."
Admiral Kato: "Yes, and unfortunately the jury has indicated that since the extras of The Flightdeck Casino are privately owned, we have to disqualify The Flightdeck Casino from the award ceremony."
Flightdeck Casino crew: "Booo! Booo!" *start throwing rotten fruit and eggs*
Admiral Kato: *egg on face* "Thank you." *whipes egg away* "And the winner is..." *opens envelope* "... The Kameko-chan!!!"
Crowd: *Applause*
Admiral Kato: "Always a popular ship, despite the dubious color. The captain is never here when he wins something so... Your highness! Come forward!"
Former Empress Kameko: *appears out of nowhere* ^_^ "Yay! Mine!" *snatches award* "It is a great honor to receive this award. I’d like to thank my family and friends and the ship’s crew and the designers without whom, this would not have been possible. Thank you!" *goes back to seat*
Crowd: *Applause*
Admiral Kato: "The famous standard speech of our former empress. Always manages to wow the public. Now, on to the next category, Kato-san."
Kato (GH): "The Most Ridiculous Extras Award. We know from the past that there are not many contenders in this category either. The first contender is the Kameko-chan... with the 12 inch armored swimming pool, the 17 inch armored... well, the winner is no doubt the Kameko-chan, isn't it?"
Admiral Kato: *tosses aside envelope* "Yes, especially since "The Flightdeck Casino" is no longer a valid contender for any of these Naval Award."
Crowd: *Applause*
Admiral Kato: "Always a very popular ship, despite the embarrassing color."
Former Empress Kameko: *appears out of nowhere* ^_^ "Yay! Another award for me." *snatches award* "It is a great honor to receive this second award. I’d like to thank my family and friends and the ship’s crew and the designers without whom, this would not have been possible. Thank you!" *goes back to seat*
Crowd: *Applause*
Kato (PP): "Next up is the Most Annoying Member Of The Navy Award."
Admiral Kato: "Hmmm... Interesting. Too bad the former empress is not a contender for this category."
Former Empress Kameko: "What did you say?!?"
Admiral Kato: "Nothing, Your Highness. So who are the UNlucky people for this award, kato-san?"
Kato (GH): "The UNlucky contenders are..." *frowns* "Admiral William 'Buck' Frobisher, Canada's Minister of the Navy?"
Admiral Kato: "Canada!?"
Kato (GH): "... and he's the only one on the list."
Admiral Kato: "How is that possible. Surely there are more annoying people in our Navy."
Frobisher: *appearing out of nowhere* "There obviously aren't and don't call me Shirley." *grabs award* "I am grateful for receiving this award as it shows that I am doing my job properly as a Canadian naval officer and government official. Thank you." *leaves*
Crowd: *Applause*
Kato (GH): "And now for the esteemed Most Famous Member Of The Navy Award... and there is just one..." *pauses* "Admiral William 'Buck' Frobisher, Canada's Minister of the Navy?"
Admiral Kato: "Again?!? Surely there are more famous people in our Navy."
Frobisher: *appearing out of nowhere* "Apparently there aren't and don't call me Shirley." *grabs award* "I am grateful for receiving this award as well as it shows that I am doing my job properly as a proud Canadian citizen. Thank you." *leaves*
Crowd: *Applause*
Admiral Kato: "Ah well... let's skip the other boring categories and go straight for the final one. The important one."
Kato (PP): "Very good, boss. The following category is the Greatest Ship Of The Navy” category. The selection has been narrowed down to the next ships: The Fuso, the Nagato, the Zuiho and the Tachibana."
Admiral Kato: "No doubt the jury has been bribed again, just like all other times..."
Kato (GH): "Yes, it's going to be the Kameko-chan again, right?"
Admiral Kato: "Right..." *opens envelope* "NO! Wrong! It isn't!"
Former Empress Kameko: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That can't be! I always win this category!!" T_T
Admiral Kato: "It's Colonel Kimberly Kilgore's surf board!"
*silence*
Admiral Kato: "Eventhough she is a member of the Army, the surf board is registered as a vessel of the Imperial Japanese Navy."
*silence*
Admiral Kato: "The colonel is not here so we shall mail the award to her. And that's it for this year. Hopefully next time it will be a normal one."
This post has been edited 2 times, last edit by "Rooijen10" (Jan 16th 2010, 9:16pm)