Jingles: Howdy folks, and welcome back to World of Tanks with the Mighty Jingles!
Jingles: I got this replay in my inbox a few days ago, and I have to admit, I nearly didn't watch it. But something in the description caught my eye, and oh boy am I glad I did watch it.
Jingles: This is... Yeh... yehosh... okay, I'm not even going try to pronounce his name. Let's just call him Dave.
Jingles: Yup, it's the return of Dave! He sure does get around a lot - I mean he was in yesterday's World of Warships video, and I think we saw him last week, too. Dave, how do you find the time?
Jingles: Today, Dave is driving for us on the 'Mongolia' map the brand-new limited edition tier eight Russian premium medium tank "Lisichka". Try saying that one five times fast.
Jingles: What is 'Lisichka', you say? Haven't seen it in the gift shop? Well, that's because it's only available on the
Russian server.
Jingles: The 'Lisichka' looks pretty similar to one of the other tier 8 Russian medium tanks, the T-47 Tsiklon. And that's because it IS a Russian T-47 Tsiklon.
Jingles: There aren't many differences between 'Lisichka' and a T-47, admittedly. The tank doesn't have the track covers installed, which means that it lacks a little bit of that spaced armour that can protect the tank while it's sidescrapping.
Jingles: But it compensates for that minor issue with a slightly better gun.
Jingles: The only other difference is the paint job - which looks pretty dull, aside from that fox on the sides of the turret.
Jingles: Is that it, Jingles? If that's all it is, why should I want to buy one?
Jingles: What, are you blind? It's basically a premium T-47 Tsiklon, which is still one of the best tanks at tier 8!
Jingles: According to his email, Dave has just purchased this tank, and he's out for his first battle in it.
Jingles: "Hey guys, look at my new tenk! Do you like my new tenk?"
Jingles: "...guys?"
Jingles: "...uh, guys?"
Jingles: "...uh-oh."
Jingles: Yes folks, do not adjust your sets, you are seeing that correctly. Matchmaker has populated Dave's team with...
Jingles: ...well...
Jingles: ...Dave.
Jingles: ...and nobody else. Yeeeaahhh...
Jingles: What I suspect has happened is that Dave might have complained once or twice too often about the matchmaking.
Jingles: Matchmaker has gotten sick and tired of it. "Alright Dave, you say how useless your teams are. Let's see you back those words up. Let's see how you do when your team is not just incompetent, but
not even there."
Jingles: Oh boy. Well... this will be interesting.
Jingles: The moment the countdown timer ends, Dave puts his tank in gear and gets moving.
Jingles: To be honest, the match actually starts out a little slow.
Jingles: Dave sets off across the Mongolia map to look for the enemy team, but initially, he doesn't seem to have much success.
Jingles: He starts by heading toward the airport in the southwest corner of the map, but there's nobody to be seen.
Jingles: So he starts retracing his steps, headed for the center of the town.
Jingles: I remember back when Wargaming first introduced the Mongolia map, it was a really wide open map that was perfect for light tanks, tank destroyers, and fast mediums.
Jingles: But over the years, the map has seen a few changes. First, they added a town in the middle; and then the town council declared that they had a spot of urban growth, and now it's almost entirely city, perfect for those heavy tanks, with corridors that are perfect to avoid being outflanked.
Jingles: On his way to the city center, Dave takes a slight detour to the enemy spawn to see if any of them are still there. And lo and behold...
Jingles: ...wait, are those two AFK T-35s?
Jingles: That's a tier 4 tank!
Jingles: Granted, it's a decent tier 4 tank, but...
Jingles: So it turns out that matchmaker wasn't just trying to spite Dave.
Jingles: What actually seems to have happened is that matchmaker went out last night to the pub to party with some friends.
Jingles: And after a drunken all-nighter, matchmaker has returned to work claiming absolute sobriety even as it's downing another shot of vodka.
Jingles: Just look at that enemy team.
Jingles: So while Dave didn't apparently rate any teammates, matchmaker has decided to give the enemy team
sixteen T-35s.
Jingles: What has, in fact, happened, is that Dave has brought a tier 8 premium tank to a tier 4 battle.
Jingles: ...why can't I have matchmaking like this?
Jingles: So doubtless rubbing his hands together in anticipation, Dave continues hunting for the enemy team.
Jingles: And as he drives across the bridge in the center of town, his sixth sense goes off. A moment later, he spots the enemy team.
Jingles: He gets the tank across the bridge and turns around. And the entire enemy team - except for the two AFKs - are all RIGHT THERE.
Jingles: Well, things could be worse.
Jingles: 'But Jingles, how could things be worse?' you ask. 'It's one versus fourteen.'
Jingles: Yes... and if Dave was on the old Mongolia map before it was industrialized, he might have been in danger, because the enemy team could have surrounded him, and fired into his tank's weakly-protected rear.
Jingles: However, in the current situation, Dave's able to point the front of his tank at all of the enemies. And they can't outflank him.
Jingles: And by the way, did I mention that he's in a T-47, a medium tank that's fairly well-regarded for having some pretty good armour, even at tier 8?
Jingles: Those T-35s are decent tier 4 medium tanks, but their guns aren't even capable of penetrating Dave's side-armour.
Jingles: I've got to feel sorry for those T-35 players on the enemy team. I mean, some of them have only been playing the game for a couple of hours, at most, and suddenly, the drunken matchmaker sends them up against
this thing.
Jingles: And Dave is so busy laughing that he lets the enemy team get the first few shots off. I mean, what's the harm?
Jingles: Oh, look at it. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce...
Jingles: Dave just lets them have their turn while he takes his time aiming on the lead tank and... BOOM.
Jingles: AaaH ha ha ha ha ha haa!
Jingles: With this 100mm gun, it only takes one shot, and he's headed back to the garage...
Jingles: (Russian accent) "Hello comrade, look at my new tenk! Do you like my new tenk?"
Jingles: ...I shouldn't be laughing, it's not funny.
Jingles: Oh, close your eyes, kids, upcoming cruelty to small underaged tanks...
Jingles: Dave blows away the second enemy with a second shot.
Jingles: Who saw that one coming...
Jingles: Next shot. BOOM! ...wait, that was a really unfortunate damage roll. Dave leaves the T-35 alive, on a sliver of health.
Jingles: I've lost count of how many times Dave's been hit, but he's not taking any damage.
Jingles: Dave doesn't seem to realize that he didn't kill the third tank, because he's lined up on the fourth. BOOM, another one-shot kill.
Jingles: And the enemy team just doesn't know what to do.
Jingles: They've all lemming-trained up the road together. Actually, that's a surprisingly good bit of teamwork... but it's not going to help them, especially now that they're trapped in the corridor facing a tier 8 tank.
Jingles: They're just sitting ducks.
Jingles: You can see them in chat. "OMFG Russian tanks OP plz nerf!!" "Please stop, we surrender."
Jingles: I won't draw this out longer... I mean, look. The enemy team has just had enough. Half of them just decide to give up and go AFK, while the other half are just stuck in place.
Jingles: There's only one player who's still trying to fight, and he... yeah, look there. He's trying to flank Dave's T-47... but he can't even do that right.
Jingles: Watch him as he attempts to drive across the river.
Jingles: "Doo de doo de doo... derp!"
Jingles: "Uh, guys?"
Jingles: "I seem to be a little stuck."
Jingles: "Guys?"
Jingles: *loud sigh*
Jingles: "Well, okay. 'Screw you guys, I'm going home!'"
Jingles: And that's how it ends.
Jingles: Check out Dave's medals.
Jingles: Cool-Headed, Scout - for spotting pretty much the entire enemy team; Kolobanov's Medal, of course, for standing alone against five or more enemies and winning. Of course, Steel Wall. And pretty much the
easiest Raseiniai Heroes Medal I've ever seen.
Jingles: So congratulations to Dave... but... let's be honest, this probably wasn't because of skill.
Jingles: All I can say is 'how did you get matchmaking like that, and what do I need to do to get it myself?'
Jingles: Take care, folks, and I'll see you next time.