I've been away for a long time. didnt come here to say why. Never been good enough at, nor I've been too friendly to, putting my personal problems in public.
But I've been away for a long time and I guess I'll have to say things clear. At the very least, I owe this to all of you. I'll do my best.
"Few personal problems" is a magnific understatement, to say the least. Personal nightmare is probably the best description. I've not been the luckiest guy around for the times being (lets say, from 2 years until now) but when the going got rough I always had someone to lean on, to share my problems with, and to find strenght from.
I've been exactly the same lucky lately (that is ,nothing), but that person now is not with me anymore. The girl I was with, the single person I loved the most in this world, left me some time ago. Won't enter into detail of the reasons, but I guess that when things go so bad as they were coming to me one isn't the most friendly guy around. When the things started going bad for her, too, it simply was too much. And that affected our relationship. to the break point.
We've broken some times since we started, but also we've being together for a really long time. But even in the worse of the times, when we had broken up, we always knew somehow that we would return.
However, as sure as I was other times we would got on again, I know this time is for good. She's gone. And I'm left on my own. She left. and I simply can't seem to get the facts straight without her.
breaking up and trying to forget a relation usually is hard enough. Breaking up when exams are coming and when NOTHING (and I mean NOTHING) is going allright is nothing short a personal apocalypse.
So things are getting better, yes. But not because I genuinelly feel they go better, but because they simply can't go for the worse. Once you reach the bottom is impossible to sink any further. Its hard to be in a lower state that I'm in now. Now that exams are over I guess I'll have more time for myself, but even now, when I go out I simply can't forget her. I look for another girls and get some "close contact" with them (never had a problem with that before her, guess I'll bever hve it), but when you kiss (or ... something else...) someone without being able to forget the one you really want to be kissing, the result is that after everything's over you are really in a worse state than before you did it.
I know it may seem a lame situation I'm in. But believe me when I say it's not. Not for me anyway. All the future plans I had, all the reasons I had to fight and go on were lost when she left me. As for now, I'm struggling to find a reason to smile at each day when I wake up. It's easy (I guess) to understand why I simply can't find any interest at anything else than trying to enjoy a life without her. And that's why I've been away.
and so, I can't say when I'll be back, or if I'll ever be. I wish I could, I sincerely do. But is hard enough to try and find strenght to live each day missing her as I do..to be able to play a roleplaying game as I should.
I'm really sorry about this, guys...keep my spot reserved if you can and want to...give it to another guy if you think it's fair. I worked a lot to make a navy and plans for this game, but frankly ,for now I simply can't play it, and can't say when I will...