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Thursday, September 25th 2003, 12:00am

BT 27.06.21: DATE FOR FUNERAL SET; LINER MISSING

DATE FOR FUNERAL SET
In an statement from the Nordmark government, it was announced that the date for the funeral is set at Monday July 18th. It is expected that the crowned heads of Europe will attend en masse, as well as the heads of state of those nations rash enough to adopt the republican form of state. It is speculated that the late date is set to accomodate rulers of more distant nations, such as Siam, Japan, China, Australia, India, South Africa, and others. Some experts, however, question whether the King of Greece will attend, given the current political climate in that nation - but if he does not, it will surely be seen as a significant snub of Nordmark.

On a sinister note, it is uncertain whether the new King will be able to attend the funeral, as there still has been no contact with him or the ship he is aboard. This is serious, as it means the governmental situation of Nordmark is unclear, and the government will be inhibited in its will to act.

NORDMARK LINER MISSING
The 10,133 GRT passenger-cargo liner Birger Jarl of Nordenfjeldske Dampskibsselskab of Trondheim is missing. The ship departed Montevideo fifteen days ago, bound for Rio de Janeiro. It was for some time thought that the ship's failure to appear there might be due to a rumoured order from the Nordmark navy for all Nordmark passenger-liners to return to Nordmark waters, without any unecessary stops, but this is no longer believed to be the case. Company officials in the company's office in Montevideo inform this newspaper that the vessel's onboard coal-stocks were sufficiently low that it would have to dock at Rio de Janeiro in order to restock on coal - but the ship has not done so, and would at this date be out of coal. The company's WT-offices, as well as radiostations of several nations, have tried to contact the vessel, without any luck.

The Nordmark Navy now confirms that an order was given to all Nordmark passenger-vessels to return to Nordmark with the utmost dispatch. The Nordmark Navy also reveals that this liner was the only liner failing to respond, and that the navy now considers the vessel missing.

When leaving Montevideo the liner among its passengers carried three classes of schoolchildren from Montevideo, headed for a four-week tour of Rio de Janeiro, a reward these classes received for their exemplary vigour in the recent campaigns for cleaning up the city and increasing its splendour.